Barnes & Noble  |  March 16, 2016

Internal dialogue continually scrolls through my mind like a TV new ticker. Upon entering a bookstore, it kicks into high gear and occasionally makes it all the way out of my mouth. These are the sporty playback highlights of my recent trip to the out-of-town Barnes & Noble.

  1. Lament the fact that the nearest Barnes & Noble is an hour away (such the sadness).
  2. When the Mother Unit asks if there’s anything I want to look at, answer, “Uh, everything?”
  3. Make a show of scanning the new book and best seller displays when secretly I’m steering for the table labeled “Things Teens Are Reading,” despite having left my own teenage years behind. I have dubbed that detail irrelevant.
  4. Touch the cover of An Ember in the Ashes on said teen table, because velvety soft covers make me swoon. Plus I ultra love this book. Read it. Now.
  5. Feel sorry for the employee in the unenviable position of having to explain the difference between internet browsers and apps as it relates to customer lady’s Nook.
  6. Resist the urge to have an out-loud freak-out on the unsuspecting bystander looking at the Throne of Glass books. BUY THEM ALREADY HERE I WILL PUT THEM IN YOUR BASKET AND ESCORT YOU TO THE CHECKOUT.
  7. Think of how good the hardcover Ice Like Fire would look next to the hardcover of Snow Like Ashes already on my shelf. Realize I should actually read Snow Like Ashes before trying to justify spending $17.99 on its sequel to the Husband Unit.
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  8. Saunter into the children’s section and facilitate a meetup between Pusheen and his new Mo Willems friends. Elephant and Piggie are pretty trustworthy, but Pigeon can be a bit shady.
  9. Wonder how I’ve gone through life without realizing that Dragons vs. Drones is the ultimate cage match I’ve been missing. Immediately add to library request list, because as much as I am a reader, I am also a cheapskate.
  10. Wish I could give a raise to the guy still explaining Nook functionality to customer lady.
  11. Laugh over the Holy Bible for Minecrafters, but upon discovering it is theologically sound, convince the Mother Unit to procure it for the church library.
  12. Stroke the cover of An Ember in the Ashes on the way out, calculate how many bargain books I could buy for the price of one hardback, remember I am a cheapskate, and leave with empty arms but a lengthened TBR list to cross-reference with the library catalog.